So anyhew...

Sorry for not posting like EVER!

but yes, the life of matthew nicodemus mika is somewhat boring and somewhat exciting lately (strange, i know)  so marching band is over.  most people would be overjoyed at the fact that they no longer will ever be required to wear the krazy uniforms, come to school early EVERY morning, or march around for no apperent reason on a football field with an oversized/awkward peice of metal in their hands. But not me.  I cried.  A lot.  I cried when we went ON the field saturday in Orange City.  I cried in between each song.  I was almost bawling as me trooped the stand afterwards.  and when someone said "Yeah guys! No more marching band competions EVER! alright! Yay for seniors!" it was all i could do to keep walking and not just fall to my knees.  I'll be trying out for DCI band (Drum Core International, basically a professional marching band) in the spring but that is DEFINITLY not a sure thing.  So what if marching band means you have to work hard, commit a lot of free/sleep time, and doesnt really help you with anything other than band; i loved it!  I may never get to do it again in my entire life if i decide to go to McNally-Smith instead of Nebraska Unn.  I just dont know if I could do that.  Just walking into the band room almost makes me tear up lately.  I cant imagine my life without marching.  I dont care if that makes me a freak, geek, or sraight up weird cuz its what i love.  I guess all i can do now is thank God that I ever got to do it in the first place, right?  I mean, thats gotta be one of His best gifts ever!

Here a better update I guess...

Katie is like REALLY sick.  like, almost throwing up, tonselitis, not-quite-strep, could-be-mono sick. (and no i didnt give it to her cuz I'm not sick!) Cept for my throat hurts a bit but anyhew...

I've been takin a look at myself, my friends, my priorities my college plans, and a little at my relationship with God. (or seemingly lack thereof)  I just feel like I'm letting Him and myself down so much.  I mean, I've been a LOT more disiplined lately but i still fall and all it does it make me more determined and, at the same time, more depressed.  I know I should just let go and let God help me instead of tryin to to it all on my own, but He says that "if we love Him, we will keep His commandments."  My biggest problem area is/was my lust.  I feel as tho I've taken it down a lot.  I know i have a ways to go yet, but I will not stop because I want to be the best person I can be for Him. And for Katie.

oh my gosh, am i in love with this girl!  I dont know whats changed since this summer but Its not stopping or slowing down and I am just head over heels on this one!  I know, I know.  everyone is thinkin "right, matt.  thats what you said about Christina."  well you wanna know sumtin guys and gals, upon further examination of that relationship, I have since realized that its a much better thing for us to be friends.  "but what about your thing for charlie." some still say.  Well, I can honestly say that I can, will, and want to live with the fact that I'll never be with her again because she is the most amazingly supportive, caring, and brutally honest friend I've ever had.  and I will not lose that to an emotion.  and on top of this, Katies got her beat, relationship-wise. (no offense charlie)

No joke.  not jk. I dont think anyone could ever be a more perfect match.  There are enough differences to compliment the many things we have in common that when we're together, theres this kind of weird crazy chemistry around us that everyone feels and I've been told we both are just so much happier when around each other, wheather its a good day or a bad one for either person.  I love to talk, she loves to listen.  We both are used to no father figure being around.  We both love music, particularly heavy stuff.  She understands more than a lot of people I know (including myself) that there is girlfriend time, friend time, God time, etc, etc.  she has the same taste as I do for so many things.  to top all this, and others not mentioned, off, She loves me.  She tells me it, even at times when i suck at life.  She tells me and shows me and I can just sense it so much it almost scares me.  She said to me once, "you know, I love you.  more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life.  and it doesnt scare me."  I cried.  as tears of joy streamed down my face I was almost speechless. "I've waited all my life for someone to love me that way.  and I dont ever what to feel that way about anyone other than you." I replied.

I love this girl... this woman... this angel...